


Cas...

by Whyjm



Category: Supernatural, destiel - Fandom
Genre: Character Death, Grieving Dean, Hurt No Comfort, spn 12x23
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-07
Updated: 2017-06-07
Packaged: 2018-11-10 05:14:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11120649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whyjm/pseuds/Whyjm
Summary: What do you do when your heart is breaking in pieces and the love of your life lays before you dead and unmoving, when all your hopes and all your worst fears come to life in one devastating moment?





	Cas...

**Author's Note:**

> So many feels about the finale and these needed to come out.. So here they are in angsty hurting ways..

The air left his lungs, his legs not able to carry his weight any longer he fell to the ground he hit his knees hard but did not notice the pain of it at all.. His vision blurred by the tears that he no longer could contain. They trickled down his cheeks and fell onto his hands and knees where he sat hunched beside the person he recently had gotten back and then a moment ago lost forever. The unfairness of that struck him hard but he felt too raw and exposed to deal with that thought so he pushed it away. 

He looked down on Cas face, it looked like he was only sleeping, his face relaxed and beautiful as ever.. He so wanted to believe that to be the truth instead of the harsh reality that Cas was not sleeping he was dead. His heart ached he felt as though an iron fist where holding on to him and slowly crushing him in its grip. He could hardly breathe the pain in his heart too big to handle.

He fell forward his face landing on the unmoving chest of Cas lifeless body… Sobs were drawn out of him like water rushing out over a cliff down into an abyss far below. His heart so broken that he wondered for a moment if he would ever be okay again, he knew the answer to that.. No he would not be okay.. Cas has died a lot of times but always come back and so has he, but here this time it felt final. An angel blade straight through, that means it is definitely over, no turning back from that.... He wished in the moment the blade pierced Cas and his grace burned away, leaving scorched angel wing markings on the ground around Cas body that he too could die.

He heard a heart wrenching scream and soon realized that it came from him. He screamed at the world, he screamed out his pain, tears running down his cheeks his voice getting hoarser and hoarser as the scream continued. He did not know how to stop… After a while the scream did fade from his lips as he had no more air left to push out… He straightened up and looked down on Cas face.. His hand found Cas still warm one, he brought it up to his lips and kissed the back of it he then moved it and held it over his heart as more sobs poured out of him.. He brought his other hand to Cas face, stroked his forehead and cheeks, let his thumb cross his lips, he pushed some strains of hair away, felt the softness of it tickle his fingers and he let his hand move through the soft brown waves. He wanted to remember everything, how soft Cas skin is, how his stubble feels in his hand, he wanted to memorise how the man he loved felt under his hands. 

He did not know how long he sat there stroking Cas face and held on to him, it did not matter, he felt like he could sit there forever.. His thoughts were interrupted by footsteps coming nearer. He refused to look away from Cas afraid that if he did Cas would disappear.. He laid his head down on Cas chest again the trench coat wet with tears… He draped himself over Cas he was not ready to let go of him. Maybe if he held on tight enough this nightmare would end and this would all be a terrible lie.. And Cas was alive and hugged him back.

He heard a voice talking to him near or far he could not make out and he could not distinguish the words, it sounded like a foreign language to him. He felt a hand on his back and he looked up at his brother seeing a worried expression on his face. He saw Sam’s mouth moving but he did not hear a word coming out of him. He laid his head back down on Cas chest draping his arm around him protecting him, he did not want Sam or anyone to touch or be near Cas. No one, nothing else mattered.. He only focused on feeling Cas lifeless shape beneath him and his tears flowing from his eyes down onto soft fabric.. The only thoughts which mattered playing on repeat inside him: Cas come back!! Don’t leave me!! Please come back… I love you..


End file.
